Falling apart at the seams

Today I feel like the tight knit stitches I have surrounding my heart are loostening and I leaking my most important self out through the cracks. I don't want to let these feelings and thoughts out to the world because they may hurt me. I don't know what else to do but pray that there is a needle stronger than my own that will close up the slits and cuts and heal the bruises.

I am bleeding and hurting and don't know what to do.

Overly ridiculous push and pull

My drama teacher once let me in on a little secret - most good moments in theatre (and even in life) come down to a push and pull. There is always someone who's acting a "verb" and instinct and they are either trying to get something from someone or they are trying to resist what the other person it trying to do. I distinctly remember working certain acting excercises that involved literally translating that push/pull into scene work. You'd be amazed at how well it worked in bring out some true emotions.

That of course is the theatrical realm. How do we face the push and pull in our everyday lives? I've been pondering that very thing of late. Mostly because I feel like I am having a hard time knowing someone of late. I totally love and respect this person, and it's great. But, I'm often feel like I am trying to pull something from the friendship, and that's not right. The next minute I find myself pushing myself to stay on track and love this person as I am supposed to. And it's driving me crazy. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to do it. I just can't handle the confusion and the back and forth. I just don't know how to get rid of these feelings, because the tough thing is I can't avoid the situation because that would just be taking the easy way out.

This recent internal push/pull is becoming a little ridiculous in my opinion. I just want to feel peaceful.

How do you love a volatile situation?

Inside a box

Ever find yourself just wanting to be doing something else, something new, something challenging. I want to be doing that. I'm feeling so claustrophobic lately and it seems that this feeling is beginning to follow me wherever I go. I'm being stifled by my inability to move. I'm like a mime in a box, in each direction I find myself banging into an imaginary wall.

The question is is my restlessness creating the box, am I just being too expectant as to what life is going to bring me? Does this all mean I'm about to embark on something new? Or am I just destined to find myself blocked in to my life as it stands?

Will I forever me silently screaming and banging on a wall that is but isn't there?

What if the walls are made of fear? What would happen if I just stopped screaming and got to work? Maybe I can use the fear as a stepping stone, and box to start out from. And gradually with each reaching moment outside of the box I will find myself moving beyond it into a land of faith, because there the walls are invisible too, but all the more concrete than those of fear.

And like the wall of Jericho, the fear will crumble, and I will be set free into a greater and wider world.

Paint that picture in your mind if you will, as I will have to do, and maybe we can move forward together.