The beauty of the world...inside of me?

Every now and then I find myself amazed at something that is growing inside of me. No, it's not a baby, but rather is a sense of self that was never there before, at least not in this way. The innate knowledge of being something that I wanted to be for so long is becoming more and more real every day. And it's just...nice.

You see, there is a Spirit that lives in all of us, and it want to help us be the person we are meant to be. I've known most of my life that this Spirit is around and I've felt it on more than one occasion. But there is a difference between feeling it and letting it be a part of you, to heal you.

For a long time, I've known that there was something more for me, something special that my faith was going to show me, but I don't know if it was fear or what, but I was never quite willing to commit the whole of my body, mind and soul to the Lord. I just wanted to rebel against what I knew was right, and I let myself be so destructive. Finally, I think I hit the wall in terms of what I could do wrong. I made a choice. I made a choice I can never take back. I chose this world over another, and I broke who I was.

I had no where else to turn, and though I didn't want to because I couldn't face it, I had to crawl back on my hands and knees to ask for forgiveness. It was tough. It's hard to face a loving Father and admit that you are so broken and so sorry for what you have done. But He showed me that I was loved, and that I deserve that love and that I didn't have to be broken at all.

It's been a long climb to where I am, and the only reason I know that something is going on it is because I feel more whole, that and because my dear friends tell me that something is changing...

It's just amazing.